Resurrected Failure or Insightful Overthinker?

This might not resonate with a lot of people or it might sound corny but hold on, don’t judge and give it a read.

A lot of people don’t know me, even in my immediate surrounding and those select few who do; don’t have the faintest idea about the real ME. So here is a small brief about me.. I’m a 28-year-old Software Developer in a service-based company suffering from Bipolar Disorder. But how did I land here?

Let me take you back to 2014, I had recently graduated from a prestigious college, Manipal Institute of Technology with a B.E in Biotechnology and absolutely no clue as to what I wanted to do with my life. Like most of my counterparts I had 2 options open to me : either take up the job I got during placement or go for higher studies. And being the less ambitious, scared newbie that I was, I dint sit for any exam; be it GATE, GRE or GMAT and since my joining letter had not arrived yet, I decided to join the MSc in Biomedical Genetics course offered by VIT, Vellore. And don’t get me wrong, its not a bad course; in fact I had the chance of interacting with some of the best minds, be it fellow classmates or teachers and I had a really amazing time!

But once the exams arrived, my fear of failure kicked in coz lets face it.. I had not even taken Biology in 12th and this had some serious Biology coursework. I felt burdened and started having panic attacks. And one fine day I decided that I could do it no more, packed my bags, booked a train ticket and came straight back home. At this point I had no plans, no ideas what to do with life; fresh college drop out and with no job in hand I started to fall deep into the pits of depression. This was probably the time my family realized that I needed medical help. But yeah.. the medication was mind numbing and I was reluctant to accept it. Lots of people started pouring in their opinions regarding what I should do, I started avoiding social interactions, crying to myself at night or whenever I was alone. This pushed me to the point that I attempted to end my life.

But lying in that hospital bed, watching my parents distressed and breaking down was when I got to know that no matter how useless my existence was, I MATTERED to them. I started getting serious medical attention and taking therapy sessions, got serious about life, moved to Bangalore and joined a training institute to learn coding. 6 months down the line I landed my first job. I was overjoyed. I loved coding , interacted with quite a lot of bright minds, and 4 years down the line here I am starting my own website, blogging, teaching, decorating and overall satisfied with my life.

So if you are in the same boat as I was back then and find yourself clueless and hopeless and aimless, let me tell you one thing my Friend, you are not alone and you could never imagine what kind of life God has chattered out for you. Just hold on… don’t give up hope… And most importantly NEVER GIVE UP ON YOURSELF.

5 thoughts on “Resurrected Failure or Insightful Overthinker?”

  1. Can I just say what a relief to find someone who actually knows what they’re talking about on the internet.
    You definitely understand how to bring an issue to
    light and make it important. More and more people should read this and understand this side of
    your story. I can’t believe you’re not more popular since
    you certainly have the gift.

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